We're The Same, My Dead End Friends and I


You Don't Make One Million Friends 
Without Making a Few Enemies.  
Or, You Know, Actual Friends.

"Music is the social act of communication among people, 
a gesture of friendship, the strongest there is."
- Malcolm Arnold 

      
     One day, my mother says to me, "No, who is this?"  I had called her in search of my sister, "Mom, it's me, have you seen Jen?" The aforementioned, "No, who is this?" was her response, verbatim.  So, a couple of days ago, when she told me, "You need to delete your Facebook account right now," I pretty much just said, "Yeah, ok."

     I created my Facebook account when it was still TheFacebook, and the first group I joined was called "Bitch Make Me a Sandwich."  (This is the period of time that is the focus of the film The Social Network, directed by David Fincher.  I love David Fincher, but that movie is going to bomb; you heard it here first.)  Facebook has changed a lot since then, and hopefully so have I.  As my musical and film tastes, my sense of humor, and the quality of my friendships have changed, Facebook has changed from a collection of original profiles (like mine) into a boring list of "pages" of things that "people" "like."  I hardly know any of my 491 friends, and I can't use Facebook to learn anything about them.  Ultimately, Facebook has turned into a database of nothing but "faces."  

     My point is that my Facebook profile is more or less completely useless.  "It's going to get you into trouble one day," my mother insists.  And that part's not even true.  The only thing that could remotely get me into trouble is my political views, which are the lyrics to a song, which makes my profile somewhat original.  If Mark Zuckerberg ever finds out, I'm screwed.

     Yet I still spend hours a day on it.   As I was writing the above paragraph, my new roommate Ben walked through the door.  Tomorrow (yesterday, by the time you read this) is his birthday.  His plan is to spend it at work, then spend the rest of the evening on Facebook.  "There's nothing else to do," I said when he told me that.  "Yeah," he said, "it's my only way to be in touch with my friends, anyways.  It's not like I can go over to their houses anymore."  

     He raises a good point, one to which I can relate.  Since moving to Roanoke, I know approximately four people: One I share a band room with, one I share a bathroom with, and two work at the high school I would (very much) like to get paid to work with.  I'm only "friends" with one of them on teh Facebook, and our friendship is, at this point in time, still limited to said 'book.  And it's not like I talk to people on Facebook.  I sure as shit ain't learnin' anything about anybody I don't already know, and I know no one is reading my profile anyways, so what's the point?  

     That's the question I keep coming back to: What's the point?  And I really don't have an answer.   

     At my new job, the administrators keep pushing this thing called PD360, with the PD being "Professional Development."  I don't quite know what it is, but I do know that it is only described as "like Facebook."  Like Facebook?  So... useless?  Clearly, social networking is a huge part of our lives now, almost as big as "reality" television, so much so that we're being asked to join yet another social network to augment and "develop" our professional lives.   But how can this sort of thing be useful to us as professionals?  Honestly, a quote from the show Community about the show Mad Men is, on one hand, wholly oxymoronic, and on the other hand, not very professional, I just used it because it makes me lol.  And we're supposed to use this to enhance our professional lives... how?  My Facebook profile doesn't even enhance my personal life, there's no way in hell it will ever enhance my professional life.

     But then again, I'm not John Mackey.  

     (Clearly.)   

     Mr. Rankin, whatever do you mean?  

     What I mean is that this motherfucker (term used endearingly, if I may) uses Facebook more than any professional musician I have ever met (which I have) or been a fan of (which I am) in my entire life.  That's not to say that it's a lot, but... Well, Chris McQueen of The Best Band You've Never Heard Of posts on the Facebook a lot for that band, at about the rate an up-and-coming rock band should post (well, not anymore), and Mr. Mackey OWNS McQueen when it comes to Facebook.  Not only that, but I'm friends with McQueen on Facebook, and I've never even met him, but I would consider him a better friend than John Mackey, who is easily one of the coolest people on the planet, from what I can tell.  This is not a strong correlation, I'll give you that.  But when you consider MQ v. JM, clearly MQ should be the winner, and JM wins by a mile.  

     But that's not the point.  The point is that there are people like Chris McQueen, whom I will likely never meet, who uses Facebook to promote his band(s), from new albums that will never be recorded to shows that I will never see, because they fucking refuse to come to Virginia, and Facebook becomes not only useful, but crucial (to an extent) to the livelihood of the band.  But people like John Mackey, who prooooooooooobably don't need the extra publicity - be it good or bad - use Facebook anyways for just that, and it totally works.  

      Consider the following, a simple post on Facebook by John Mackey:

      John Mackey Hymn to a Blue Hour -- a blog entry about revisions, and a link to the final score and demo recording (for those who hide links from their updates): http://ostimusic.com/blog/hymn-to-a-blue-hour-demo/

     That simple post yielded 8 likes, 15 responses and lord knows how many visits to that blog that day.  Consider that, then actually read it.  It's quite enjoyable, and used with permission.  (Although, since I got permission on Facebook, it might not actually count.)  It's an awesome, expert use of Facebook as a Social-Professional medium.  My favorite response is, "No, keep it hardcore."  If I had a nickel for every time THAT was said to me... ANYWAYS, it might be a sign of the times, or it might just be super interesting to me because I'm easy to please and a product of ID-10-T a lot, or it might not be interesting at all, but that particular sentence is used in league with sentences like, "Excellent idea as long as the music isn't compromised."  When you can take advice that utilizes the word "hardcore," and manage not to "compromise" any music, and still get a pretty damn good result, it means that The Facebook is either the greatest invention ever, or the worst.  Don't even get me started on YouTube.

     As I write this, I have a tab open to my Facebook homepage, which I check every three minutes or so.  Nothing Earth-shattering, important, or even interesting has happened.  I've commented on a couple of things, and I've been reminded of a couple of birthdays that I already knew about, but beyond that... it's just sort of there.
     
     One of the best parts of my Facebook news feed is my friend Nicky D.  He can only be described as "overly angry" and "totally inappropriate."  In person, this is an issue.  On Facebook, it's fucking hilarious.  There's a line on Facebook, and Nicky D doesn't seem to mind crossing it.  I tried crossing it one time.  My friend Dave and I once applied and interviewed for the same job within 24 hours of each other.  I received a text that said, "Leave your vagina in the car, and go in there swingin that big dick."  I thought it was good advice, albeit inappropriately phrased, so I posted it on my friend Dave's wall.  He promptly deleted it.
     
     And this is what confuses me.  There are people who use Facebook for real things, like ACTUAL networking, event planning, talking to people they otherwise would be unable, or following their favorite artists or celebrities.  And other people use it to tell the whole world about their complicated relationship, or to post silly links to two girls eating shit out of a solo cup, or to whine about how unfair it is that they have to go to class every day.  There seems to be no in between; Facebook is either completely useful, or completely useless.  Those of us caught in the in-between sort of go unnoticed.
     
     It sucks that what got me thinking about this was my mother asking her only son who he was when he was trying to locate his only sister.  Granted, it also sucks that I don't appear to have ANY idea what I'm talking about, but that's beside the point.
     
     Chuck Klosterman refuses to get a Twitter.  I don't think I'm too far off.

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